exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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