i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
