Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
