R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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