I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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