That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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