I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Randomize
