First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
