im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
