he wants to bone in the snuggie
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
