Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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