My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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