She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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