She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
