just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Floor bacon is actually really good
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
