google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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