he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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