I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize