Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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