Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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