Im at strip club and am horny
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
