Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
