we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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