you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
