You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Randomize
