I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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