This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
