The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I need to align my fucking chakras
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
