some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
