This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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