why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
