my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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