you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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