I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
