I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize