I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
