I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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