He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Randomize
