How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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