So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
