I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
