i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
