Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
