Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
