my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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