Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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