He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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