and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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