Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
