it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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