all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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