I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
