Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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