I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
