i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
