I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
