I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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