No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
