I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The air taste purple.
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