You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
