what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
