I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize