If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
